I mean, hey, who would bother to read this anyways?
WELL, hello. Many of you know how I struggle to stay active on DA. Unfortunately, that's been a struggle of mine for a really long time, but especially recently. I wanted to write this for you guys that DO read this, I have been struggling a lot lately with my depression and anxiety. I am not really going to dive too deep into that right now because trust me, it is a
lot. Basically, my life hasn't been the same. I haven't really been active on here as much as I should, and I haven't been doing artsy things for a while, which really is a shame, because it is something I always loved to do. It was my "escape" from the world. Unfortunately now, I have lost the time and motivation to do much of anything anymore. So for that, I deeply apologize. I really want to do commissions, and I do not want to lose contact with my DA buddies. I want to be more involved, but I ask of you guys to have some patience. Please be patient with me, I am trying.
As hard as I can.No matter what happens, I conflict myself with these same questions, every time I draw or have an artsy idea:
Maybe I shouldn't draw dragons or Pokemon anymore...Maybe I should grow up and mature as an artist, and draw things like cars and realistic things like animals, portraits, scenery, and other things.Maybe I need to let the "childish" version of myself go.Unfortunately most of the things I love/loved to draw, happened to be folklore-ish things. Pokemon... Dragons... Unrealistic things... Maybe that is the exact reason I am not as active on here or draw as often. But I feel as though I shouldn't do those things anymore because of what real people in my life will think. I know it sounds stupid, but I have based how I view myself on what others think of me
my whole life. So to think of what other people might think or say to me, makes me feel upset.
Basically, what I'm trying to get out of this journal entry is this;
I am trying really, really hard. I have a lot going on in my life right now, so I ask that you guys understand. I don't want others to think of me stupid whenever I draw what I want to draw. It's sad, but I feel like I cannot be myself around everyone, and I want to so bad. Please be patient with me, for I am trying. I promise to be more active soon, as soon as I collect all my thoughts and get my life under control.And if anyone has any thoughts or opinions they would like to share, I am here to listen.
In the meantime, I really,
really appreciate you guys' patience and understanding.
C